Charlies special Twilight Diary
by Kate Hale
Summary: This is Charlies diary during Twilight. Read about he's thoughts on Bella, Renee, Edward, Skittles and more lol. Rated M since I'll probably put some bad words in there
1. my kid

**This is a stupid story of Charlies Diary. This first chapter is really short so I'll try and make the next chapters longer. I've been away from school sick so this story is a result of my boredom. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Twilight or charlie, renee, or bella**

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Dearest Diary,

This is Cheif of Police, Charlie Swan writing for you today. So today I had to pick up my kid that my ex wife has carted off to me. I wouldn't of taken the kid in, but any chance of getting brownie points with Renee I'd take. Besides this kid was just solid proof to me of what me and renee did 17 years ago. Heeheehee! ooooh! cookies! *munch**munch* I think Renee only gave me the kid because she wanted to get my attention. I wonder when I'll next see my love, I better start working out, hehe!

So the 17 year old brat, Bella is living with me now. When I told her about the truck she bombarded me with questions, like "How old is it". Then when I told her she completely freaked out and complained about it. That's Bella for you... But her arse, mmmmmm...................

Anyways when she saw the truck she of corse loved it, it is pretty cool. I picked it out myself. When we got home she went straight to her room all afternoon. How rude, I drive to the airport to pick her up, I give her shelter, food compassion, and she just ignores me all day. Oh well, I had a fun time watching the game and drinking my beers without her.

*sigh* Renee, my love...

_Diary:__ Oh give it up Charlie, she's remarried, she hates you mate._

HAHA! we'll see about that! she only remarried to make me jealous! SO HA!!!!!!

Well, there isn't much to write about today... maybe something more exciting will happen tomorrow, since I'm buying a years supply of skittles tomorrow! YUMMMYYYYYYY!

Anyway I better get to bed now, I have to go to work tomorrow, maybe I'll get to shoot somebody! Maybe even Bella!

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**Review, try not to be to harsh.... anyway I'll start making longer diary entries now. Bye!**


	2. Skittles and hotties

**Wow. I'm not very creative lately. Well this is a wierd chapter so.... enjoy?**

**Disclaimer: I'm not stephanie Meyer**

Dear Diary,

Work sucked today, I didn't get to shoot anybody. Actually there was no action, it was so boring. Bella had her first day of school today, and of corse was doing homework all night avoiding me. But she did make a scrumptious dinner for me.

After work I picked up my year supply of skittles, they taste so yummy! You dearest diary should try some!

_***Slams handful of skittles on the page***_

Taste the rainbow!!!!!!!

_Diary: You idiot. I'm a freakin' book. I can't eat skittles, dipshit!_

YOU CAN'T EAT SKITTLES!!!!!!?

_Diary: That's what I just said, isn't it?_

Sucks to be you.... OH! At work today this woman came in to talk to her brother who is a police dude. She was SMOKIN' . And I mean, like, she was really hot!! Now I'm just confused, this woman and Renee are both equally as hot. Ok, so Renee is WAYYYYY hotter.... Maybe I could marry them both. Nahhhh screw it, I only want Renee. BUT, maybe I could get with the hottie babe, and Renee will get jealous and come running back to me! Yes thats a perfect Idea!

These skittles are the best I have EVER eaten, in my whole entire LIFE!!!!! red, blue, green, purple, orange, yellow, its a packat of rainbow, so come on and lets taste this rainbow! Maybe It will lead me to a pot of gold, if it doesn't, don't matter, cuz I got a big boxxx offf skittles, right here. Ohhh-hhhh-hhh right here, dumdudududududdudududu, ohhhhh-hhh, right hereeeee!

Wasn't that an awesome song? OH! More to do with this hot babe! So today while I was smooth talking her, my work partner pulled me aside. He said the hot babe's married and he happenes to be good friends with her husband. Apparently if I don't leave her alone, he'll tell her husband and then there'll be trouble. HA! Yeah right, like her husband could take me with my rock hard abs and biceps. And anyway, I've got a gun. BANG! BOOM!

_Boom, boom, shake, shake, now drop like ya mama said......._

Anyway, more about my kid Bella. She seemed pretty bummed about her first day at school but would say anything to me. Thats Bella for you. A huge selfish bitch....

OHHH that hot babe!!!!_** *Fapfapfpfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap....splirrt***_

_Diary: Ew, you got cum, all over my book._

OMG! I need more pleasure!!!

_**picks up diary and starts-using it-***_

_Diary: What!? No Charlie please no!!! OH NOONONO! You're making me horny, ohhhhhhh Charlie!!! please baby harder, ohhh harder, faster!_

OHHHHHH yeahhhh. SCREAM MY NAME BABY! SCREAM ITTT!

_Diary: CHARLIE!!!!!!! CHARLIE!!! HARDER BABY!! HARDERRRRR!!!!_

CUM ON ME! CUM!!!!

_**A heap of tiny pieces of paper explodes out of the diary**_

IN BELLAS ROOM:

"What the hell is Charlie doing, Oh no, when I hear people having sex it makes me so HORNY!" says bella as she jams two fingers down there.


	3. hes horny

Dear diary,

I saw that hottie at work again today. When no one else was around, I walked over and rubbed myself against her. Then I saw she was asleep on her brothers desk, so I ripped all her clothes of, a slipped my hard throbbing cock into her dripping-

_Diary: please don't go into detail_

Well anyway she woke up and kicked me hard. I lost a testical. Bellas been googling 'vampires' lately. She even bought a Dracula dildo. I borrowed it last night, hope she doesn't mind. The docter said i only had herpes.

I'm so over that hottie now, she obviously wasn't into my hot body. Renee always was, so into me that she had to leave. But shes older now and soon she'll be able to handle me. Ahhh she shall handle me well. I also don't mind bellas friend Jessica. Shes got really nice tits.

_Diary: i wanna see u pleasure yourself Charlie._

I'm not in the mood! I just lost a testical today and it hurts! Ohhh! Did i tell u bella almost got hit by a van? But edwart Cullen saved her. She was so horny around him, so horny that it made me horny. So, dr. Cullen took my big rocket in his mouth and sucked me. It was so good.

_Diary: finger me!_

*Charlie fingers diary. Paper spluts everywhere as diary screams.*

Bella:

Omg! Edward so sexy! Shoves ice block up there. Up where? NO! She shoved it back up in the freezer not into her- you thought she was masterb- your so sick!


End file.
